It’s not that easy being seen.
With his perfect physique, luxury cars and booming OnlyFans business, 21-year-old CJ Clark would appear to have the life that most only dream of. Instead, the young adult model is spending his days alone inside his luxe San Diego pad with a sex doll and a camera setup.
Clark got raw about his shockingly lonely existence in a recent interview with GQ magazine.
“Living alone in a big house is super lonely. The bigger the house, the lonelier you get,” said Clark, who spends most of his time exercising, watching TV or chatting with other OnlyFans users.
The multimillionaire adult model joined the X-rated website when he was 18, and was a nearly instant success, earning $5,000 in his first 24 hours.
Now, he’s in the top 0.06% of earners on the platform. “It went from feeling like I never had any attention in my life to like, holy s**t — 10,000 people were seeing me be myself.”
Despite his growing fan base, Clark told GQ he struggles to connect with people in real life, a pattern that started in childhood. As a student, he was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD, and has also been tested for autism.
His difficulty in school led him to seek solace on the internet — during puberty as his teenage hormones began raging. By age 12, he had become a “gargantuan porn addict,” he told the magazine.
Meanwhile, he forged for himself a community on TikTok with millions of followers, many of whom urged him to join OnlyFans as soon as he could legally do so.
New research has shown that Americans are spending 10% more time at home than they were 20 years ago, and that’s especially true of Generation Z, who drink less alcohol and have less sex than previous generations at their age.
Rather than seek community outside, Clark said he’s communicating with fans around the clock.
“I get paid so much f—king money to do OnlyFans — I might as well do it to the best of my ability,” he said of communicating with his fans. “Talking to my people, learning what they wanna see more of, what they like, what they don’t like, so I can be better at my job.”
The self-proclaimed “gay porn MrBeast” said he keeps his content solo — aside from the 150-pound sex doll — to maintain an image that he’s there solely for his subscribers. But he’s also not interested in sex with another person where there’s no connection.
“I don’t go to bed like, ‘Ugh, I wish I could’ve fucked someone today,” he told me. “It’s more like, Damn, a hug would be nice’.”
His busy content creation schedule doesn’t leave him much time for a love life, anyway. The only girlfriend he’s ever had was long-distance, he admitted, preferring to reach out to fellow OnlyFans creators who can relate to his unique lifestyle — even if they’re fake. “I know in the back of my head that I’m talking to some middle-aged man,” Clark bemoaned.
His surreal life took a scary turn when the overworked and undersocialized Clark watched the mind-bending movie by Richard Linklater, “The Waking Life,” which ponders a series of philosophical queries. The experience sent Clark into an acute existential crisis.
He believed that he’d died and was living in a fantasy constructed in his head. “What if my brain compensated for dying at a young age by giving me everything I ever wanted?” CJ thought. “And now my body is catching up. And I just went into this space of, ‘Nothing is real. It’s so bullshit. None of it is fucking real. Like, How the fuck did I get here?‘”
Clark sought therapy after this psychotic break and considering enrolling in school again as he fears his line of work may become obsolete as artificial intelligence replaces porn stars.
“I’m actually glad about it,” he said of the foreboding outlook. “Because I think that society as a whole would probably benefit substantially just from, like, less people being on their phones.”
