Men, what can we say? We’ve had a good run. It had to come to a crashing end sometime. And it’s no surprise that our ultimate demise would come at the hands of dastardly technology.
Yesterday on Twitter, Robby Starbuck — who usually occupies his time exposing and ending DEI in corporate C-Suites — unveiled a diabolical new device that will, once and for all, remove the need for men throughout society.
What could this evil machination be? Have a look for yourself and understand that the death knell of masculinity (‘toxic’ or otherwise) has finally arrived like some rough beast, its hour come ’round at last, that has been slouching towards Bethlehem to be born.
I think I speak for all men when I say that this evil device needs to be banned and incinerated. 😤 pic.twitter.com/Bs9hvyLRDA
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 15, 2025
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
As every man (and woman) knows, our sole civilizational purpose is to open jars for our wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and lady friends. If sinister robotic technology has removed that purpose, we all might as well just walk straight into the sea with weights strapped to our ankles.
Just ask noted man and jar-opener Matt Walsh at the end of his movie, What Is A Woman?
Uh oh @AlissaWalsh21 https://t.co/mBNX2LK7cS pic.twitter.com/uclrPhn39M
— America First 🇻🇦 🇺🇸 🇮🇱😺 (@magaman28) March 15, 2025
Walsh’s wife Alyssa even saw the fiendish appliance and posed the inevitable question to her husband:
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Matt, what is a woman? Does this get rid of the need for a man, @MattWalshBlog? https://t.co/RW1IWWP4Kk
— Alissa Walsh (@AlissaWalsh21) March 15, 2025
To date, Walsh has not responded to the question. Probably because he is too busy writing out his will and preparing for ritual seppuku.
Other men tried to be futilly defiant of our impending doom.
We will not be replaced! https://t.co/yMuPo2WwV6
— Mark Brown (@brownmp) March 15, 2025
What’s next, a device that kills spiders?
We must not be rendered irrelevant! https://t.co/RAZ3n2nPWm
— Mike Lee (@BasedMikeLee) March 15, 2025
Well, gosh, Senator. Thanks a pantload for giving them even more ideas. If a spider elimination robot is put on the market tomorrow, we might as well just disappear immediately.
And now we’ll know who to blame.
Perhaps not all is lost just yet, though. One woman pointed out that there is still one thing that the unholy instrument cannot do.
I don’t like this one bit. It can’t give you a satisfied smirk afterwards. https://t.co/dT31d32d0k
— Chrissie Mayr🇺🇸 (@ChrissieMayr) March 15, 2025
Trust us. They’re working on that as we speak.
Whoever the shadowy ‘they’ are. We can’t be sure, but we’re betting one of the infernal architects is none other than pregnant ‘man’ Bill Gates.
Once women figure out how to kill cockroaches, it’s over boys https://t.co/K00aO5t7Bx
— Andrew No Time to Aspire 2: The ReThinking (@ThinkerAspiring) March 15, 2025
Shhhh. DON’T TELL THEM!
It was always just a matter of time, however. Machinery has been removing the need for men in other parts of society for decades.
Why is everyone freaking out about this?
It’s not like they don’t already have a whole nightstand full of battery operated man replacement devices.
Right next to the yankee hill candles and antidepressants. https://t.co/Loju8ggz2A— Dr. StormyWaters (@NormanDodd_knew) March 15, 2025
Pretty soon they’ll be making devices so women can orgasm themselves. https://t.co/uhJW5kUoRH
— E=MC HAMMERTIME (@scs_real) March 15, 2025
Uhhh … ahem … moving on, then.
Imagine a force so malicious that it would want to erase one of the Internet’s most touching memories of all time.
I refuse to be replaced pic.twitter.com/mBT0aiL25i https://t.co/pRaWY9UCOI
— Kevin Dalton (@TheKevinDalton) March 15, 2025
Only a true monster wouldn’t want to give that dad his moment in the sun.
On our final march toward inevitable obsolescence, though, maybe we can at least exact some revenge against the cruel authors of our extinction.
Yes and so help me if anyone posts a link to buy this thing in my replies, they’re getting blocked and the comment will definitely be hidden. 😂
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 15, 2025
Hiding replies is a good start, but we need to go further.
We must band together to shut down the factory.
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 15, 2025
Pitchforks and torches! Storm the Bastille!
DEATH PENALTY!
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 15, 2025
There we go. Now we’re talking.
Sadly, the genie is out of the ketchup bottle … thanks to a robot. Pandora’s pickle jar has been wrenched agape by demoniacal mechanical hands.
Eventually, we must just accept the inevitable.
This device feels like a grim reaper reaching out to shake hands.
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 15, 2025
The bleak specter of inexorable ruination is upon us, men. Our dark fate awaits us.
Unless … what … what if we put all of the jars in the kitchen on the top shelf?
Huzzah! Salvation! We will be needed once more!
Wait. No one has invented the step stool yet, right? … Right?
