Silence really is golden.
A new study suggests that sharing moments of silence with your partner could actually be the sign of a healthy relationship.
The University of Reading researchers — whose work was published in the journal Motivation and Emotion — found that sitting in dead quiet with a significant other could be a sign of emotional intimacy.
“Consider two exchanges between romantic partners: They look into each other’s eyes sharing intimacy and mutual understanding, or, a glance instead expresses judgment and displeasure as now they achieve a shared understanding that one partner has let down the other,” the study authors wrote.
“In both instances, nothing is said yet much is communicated.”
In order to investigate “silence as a form of communication,” the team conducted four studies to determine how silence and its motives impacted couples’ relationship quality.
Participants were asked to think about a recent episode of silence in their relationship and explain what caused the silence, while another group was asked to recall a silence experienced in a previous bad relationship. They were then asked how often it occurred and how it affected their emotions and their relationship satisfaction.
When quizzed on motivation for the silence, they chose from a list of options, such as their significant other wanted them to be silent, their partner would be mad if they spoke, they were using silence as a punishment or they wanted to “cherish” silent moments.
The researchers found that the motivation behind silence was indicative of the relationship — silence perceived as malicious or hostile elicited negative feelings, for instance.
But, based on respondents’ answers, “intrinsically motivated silence,” or natural silence, was associated with intimacy, closeness and connection, according to the paper.
The naturally occurring quiet was linked to positive emotions — even peacefulness — with high scores of relationship satisfaction reported by participants.
Claudia Haase, a psychological scientist at Northwestern University, who was not affiliated with the study, commended the University of Reading researchers, who “are really looking at a topic that has received not nearly as much attention as it deserves,” she told Knowledgeable Magazine
Haase, whose research focuses on romantic couples’ interactions and emotions, said that purposefully silent moments while enjoying something they both love — such as a shared activity like hiking or listening to music together — “are rich with love and closeness and connection.”
“We don’t always need to fill up the space with conversation,” said study author and University of Reading psychologist Netta Weinstein. “Silent moments can be powerful ways to connect.”
