A woman has taken to Reddit after a disagreement around her sister Clara’s wedding has led her to ask if she should be attending at all.
In the post, she said that she and her daughter, 6-year-old Lily, have always been close with Clara.
But, after an important role was stripped from her, would it be wrong of them to abandon ship completely?
A broken promise
“Clara initially told Lily she could be a flower girl, and Lily has been excitedly talking about her ‘big role’ at the wedding ever since,” she said in the post.
“However, last week, Clara called me to say that she changed her mind. She decided to have only her fiancé’s nieces as flower girls because they are from a very traditional family, and having them included would please his family.”
The poster said she tried to explain to Clara how much the role meant to Lily, and that Lily had started calling it ‘our wedding’ when she spoke about it. However, it wasn’t enough – leading her to make a huge decision.
“Clara said she felt really bad but her future in-laws were very insistent, and it would make things smoother for the family dynamics. I got upset and told Clara that if Lily isn’t included as she promised, then neither of us will attend the wedding,” she wrote.
“Now, Clara is upset, saying I’m being unreasonable and using Lily to manipulate her decision. My parents think I should just let it go and not miss Clara’s big day over something like this. I feel torn because while I don’t want to miss my sister’s wedding, I also don’t want to teach Lily that it’s okay for people to break their promises to her.”
‘That’s how villains are made!’
Many commenters said that the woman had every right not to attend the wedding, saying it’s unacceptable to break a promise in this way.
“Promises, especially to kids, shouldn’t be taken lightly. Lily was looking forward to this, and it’s tough explaining to a child why they’re suddenly not included. It’s not just about the wedding; it’s about keeping your word,” one said.
“I would tell Clara she has to explain to your daughter, with you and your parents present, why she is no longer the flower girl. Make her be the bad guy and don’t let her put that on you,” said another.
“You’re not asking for the world here, just for your daughter to be included as promised. It’s not about the wedding itself, it’s about showing Lily that her feelings and promises mean something. If Clara was so set on this change, she should’ve thought through how it would impact your daughter’s excitement. This situation isn’t about manipulation, it’s about keeping promises and respecting family. If Clara’s willing to let this slide, that’s on her, but you’re not wrong for sticking to your guns,” a third agreed.
“Promising a 6-year-old a big moment and then taking it back? That’s how villains are made in origin stories. You’re not skipping the wedding over ‘drama’; you’re standing up for your daughter and showing her that her feelings matter. Clara might want to rethink how she manages family dynamics because this plot twist isn’t it,” another commenter agreed.
Some even questioned where this ‘tradition’ came from.
“Traditionally the brides entourage comes from the brides side of the family- and the grooms from his. So what tradition,” one commenter asked.
“what exactly does “a traditional family” mean? Are you a lesbian and that’s why they don’t want her there? Are you divorced or had her “out of wedlock” and they’re anti-single mothers? Or they just ONLY care about their family?” another questioned.
“what tradition is there that only the groom’s side can be flower girls? its little kids spreading flowers around, not exactly a die-hard tradition,” a third agreed.
“I haven’t heard of this kind of tradition before that excludes the bride’s own family?” said another commenter.
‘Kids have to learn to deal with disappointment’
However, plenty also said that she was being unreasonable by refusing to attend her sister’s wedding altogether over the issue.
“Your frustration is understandable since Clara promised Lily the role, and breaking that promise is hurtful. However, skipping the wedding entirely might escalate the situation unnecessarily. It’s worth having a calm conversation with Clara to express your feelings and find a compromise, but ultimately, it’s her wedding, and decisions like this, though disappointing, are hers to make,” said one commenter.
“You should let her decide what she wants to do for the wedding. Yeah it’s an unfortunate situation but she’s put in a tough spot and she made a valid decision,” another agreed.
“Kids have to learn to deal with disappointment. It’s your sister’s wedding and she can do what she wants. I’d explain to your daughter you know she’s disappointed but she’ll still attend the wedding and maybe she can take pictures. You’re making it more traumatic for her,” said a third.
“Weddings are stressful enough that you making it worse for her isn’t worth it. Your six year old won’t remember or care if you don’t make it a drama,” said another.
“You could choose to teach Lily a different lesson. A lesson of kindness and support, not a lesson in being the main character in other people’s decisions or events,” another commenter agreed.
“Sometimes people make choices we don’t like that affect us and they even break their promises. We get to choose to go nuclear, or be loving, kind, and supportive. Is it really that big of a deal? Is a 2 minute event (throwing flower petals on the aisle) really worth breaking up Lily and Clara? Won’t Lily get a lot more out of having a lifetime relationship with Clara?”
Many also suggested a simple solution – letting all the girls be involved.
“If she wanted to she could just have all the nieces as flower girls. I went to a lovely wedding where every child under ten was a flower child. That’s not for everyone but it was lovely for that particular wedding,” suggested one commenter.
“She could easily include all the nieces—it’s a simple and thoughtful solution,” said another.
“An easy compromise for your sister would have been to have two flower girls, one from each side. It doesn’t cost anything extra really,” a third agreed.
