It could happen (and keep happening) to anyone
Graham Platner is once again struggling to explain why he’s not a Nazi despite getting a Nazi tattoo and repeatedly associating with Nazis on the internet. Days after Platner accidentally promoted a post by an anti-Semitic conspiracy theorist, Jewish Insider reported that the U.S. Senate candidate from Maine accidentally appeared on a YouTube program hosted by a different anti-Semitic conspiracy theorist and said he was a “longtime fan.”
On Monday, Semafor reporter Burgess Everett found a “defense guidance” packet at a campaign event, instructing volunteers on how to respond if asked about Platner’s demonstrated fondness for Nazi symbology and other anti-Semitic content. “He did not know the meaning at the time and covered it once he learned about it,” the packet provides as a sample answer to questions about his Totenkopf tattoo, the “death’s head” symbol adopted by Holocaust perpetrators. Promoting the anti-Semitic influencer was a whoopsie that the campaign corrected “once the issue was realized.” It could happen—and keep happening—to anyone.
The Washington Free Beacon pounced upon learning that Platner’s campaign had assembled a crisis communications playbook for downplaying the candidate’s recurring Nazi-adjacent scandals. We seized the opportunity to acquire a copy for ourselves using the (mostly) legal methods at our disposal. The document was even more explosive than we had anticipated. It included sample responses to several “looming” controversies that have yet to be reported. We have reprinted the relevant portions here for your immediate edification.
If asked about the time he wore a Nazi uniform to a child’s birthday party:
• “The theme was Indiana Jones, and he has always been a fan of Raiders of the Lost Ark. What’s the big deal?”
If asked about the shirtless selfies with furry dominatrixes Führball and Swastikitty at the Rusty Pleasures nightclub in Berlin:
• “The incident occurred in 2023, when Graham was just 39 years old. While he finds all forms of kinkshaming disgraceful, in this case a language barrier prevented him from adequately assessing the situation. If he had realized at the time that Berlin was in Germany, and or that the ancient Hindu symbol representing prosperity had been culturally appropriated by the Nazi regime, he surely would have acted differently. He only raised his arm like that in the photos because he thought Swastikitty was trying to direct his attention to one of the torture cubs hanging from the ceiling. Since he was a child, Graham has always utilized all five fingers when pointing to avoid the appearance of rudeness.”
If asked about sliding into Ilhan Omar’s DMs with a barrage of lewd images and asking the congresswoman if she was interested in getting divorced a third time “just to mess with the Jews”:
• “Yes, that’s his nude body in the photos, but he never sent them. His laptop was hacked after accidentally clicking a pop-up window on an international donation website. He eventually learned that the website was on an FBI watchlist for laundering money for Islamic terrorist organizations. He exhausted all options in an effort to get his donation refunded, but was not successful. He has learned from the experience.”
If asked about being permanently banned from Build-A-Bear stores in the continental United States for repeatedly pressuring staff to fulfill his request for a “Martyr Squad” of giant 28-inch plushies depicting Osama bin Llama, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Qassem Soleimani, Hassan Nasrallah, Yahya Sinwar, and other dead terrorists—not to mention the accompanying order of 576 “immaculate fur-gins”:
• “He denies all wrongdoing and has enlisted a professional mediator to resolve the dispute with Build-A-Bear management. He has also hired a new attorney after learning that his previous attorney was not licensed to practice law and was previously arrested for trying to steal plutonium-239 in a misguided attempt to travel back in time to ‘help Hitler win the war.'”
Big picture:
• Acknowledge his mistakes, but focus on his current positions.
• Voters care about who he is now and the issues that matter to Mainers: Israel and communism.
Addendum:
• “Over the weekend, Graham accidentally posted an AI-generated image of George Floyd and Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei dapping each other up in heaven. He has apologized to the Muslim community, and wishes to reiterate that the image does not reflect his current views. He believes that George Floyd, an infidel, would not be permitted to enter Jannah, the Islamic Paradise.”
