Allison Holker will “always be confused” about Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ behavior the night before he died by suicide.
While detailing her final evening with her late husband, the professional dancer recalled Boss had texted her a “tree emoji,” which was his usual way of telling her that he was stopping at a marijuana dispensary.
“He came home and he was very triggered,” she said during Monday’s episode of the “Jamie Kern Lima Show.”
“Me and [daughter] Wesley were watching ‘White Lotus’ … and he came in and I could tell something was wrong.”
She explained that she “always wondered” if Boss “was at the hotel already” when he texted her and had attempted to take his life, but backed out at the last minute.
“Is that why he came home so triggered? Had he attempted and then got scared and then was too shameful to tell me?” she questioned.
She also mentioned that “that night … felt different” because “the next day when he decided to take his life, he had been at the Oak Tree Inn.”
“And there was a tree that looked just like the emoji and the dispensary is right across the street,” she added.
While she will “never know” the truth, Holker said the memory is still “very triggering” for her.
“That emoji will always kind of be a little bit of a scar for me,” she said.
Holker shared more details about the night in her newly released memoir, “This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light.”
She said Boss called her “not long after he left” the dispensary and “sounded freaked out.”
“He said he was really high, which seemed totally out of character for him,” she wrote, per Us Weekly. “This was not an ordinary conversation. I’d never known him to act like this. Smoking typically made Stephen more mellow, not paranoid. I was unsure what to do.”
Boss was “acting terribly strange” when he returned home, repeatedly hinting that he “lied” about something.
“I asked him questions, but he was incoherent. I will be forever tormented by those two words: I lied,” she wrote.
However, they went to bed shortly after and Boss “apologized profusely for his bizarre behavior” the next morning.
“I explained how worried he had made me and asked him what lie he was talking about,” she continued in the memoir. “He claimed not to remember saying that. He apologized again, then turned the conversation toward work.”
Holker recalled telling Boss “I love you” before he left to take her 16-year-old daughter, Wesley, to school — her last words to him.
The late dancer never came home that night and Holker filed a missing person’s report soon after. On Dec. 13, 2022, he was found dead by a motel housekeeper less than one mile from their shared home.
Boss also shared son Maddox, 8, and daughter Zaia, 4, with Holker, whom he wed in 2013.
Elsewhere in her memoir, Holker revealed the fellow “So You Think You Can Dance” star had “sought out” a suicide hotline in the months leading up to his death.
While he “looked up” the number in the summer of 2022, she “could find no evidence on his phone that he made the call.”
“I’m sure he felt a lot of shame for even having sought out the number,” she wrote.
Holker has since opened up about her husband’s mental health struggles and alleged drug use “to help people feel safe to ask for help and support.”
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
