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While women may ogle at other attractive people, their partners should have nothing to fear — so long as they aren’t bored between the sheets.
A new study of more than 1,000 women found that desiring another person or “non-partner” did not mean that their relationship was unsatisfactory.
Unless they were also sexually bored, that is.
Sexual boredom, the University of Minnesota researchers reported in the study published last month, was tied to sexual and relationship satisfaction.
“Our research shows that feeling bored with your sex life can be a big reason why people experience lower sexual and relationship satisfaction,” study author Leonor de Oliveira, a postdoctoral fellow at the university’s Eli Coleman Institute for Sex and Gender Health, told PsyPost.
“We found that sexual boredom acts as a kind of bridge, connecting low sexual desire to unhappiness in these areas. In fact, about one-third of how satisfied someone feels with their sex life, and just over a quarter of how happy they feel in their relationship, can be linked to this boredom.”
The report studied 1,155 Portuguese women ages 18 to 66 who were in long-term, cohabiting relationships for at least one year. They were asked to complete surveys that inquired about sexual boredom, desire and satisfaction.
The researchers found that “sexual boredom emerged as a stronger predictor of sexual and relationship satisfaction,” per the study. Women who reported lower sexual boredom said they were more satisfied both sexually and in their relationships.
“We all feel bored at times, for one reason or another, and sex is not an exception,” de Oliveira asserted. “Boredom signals that we might need to change something to feel more excitement and pleasure.”
The study also analyzed sexual desire for non-partners, finding that, despite the commonly held belief that finding another person attractive indicates relationship dissatisfaction, the researchers begged to differ.
Desire for someone else does not necessarily mean that the person isn’t satisfied in their relationship — unless they’re sexually bored.
“We found that feeling desire for your partner is linked to higher satisfaction in both your sex life and your relationship, especially when there’s little to no sexual boredom,” de Oliveira said, adding that “when it comes to attraction to others, sexual boredom is the main reason it impacts satisfaction.”
“On the other hand, feeling attracted to someone outside the relationship was linked to lower satisfaction, but only because of the role of sexual boredom — it didn’t have a direct effect by itself.”
Despite its ill effects on relationships, de Oliveira said that boredom is not necessarily the nail in the coffin.
“Like in any other area of our lives, when we are bored, we seek novel or engaging stimuli,” de Oliveira explained.
“Very often this will mean that we need to have a vulnerable conversation with a partner about sex, which many people find challenging. Boredom is not the problem, but discussing our sexual preferences or needs with our partners might be.”
