And that’s the gospel truth.
“Saturday Night Live” pulled no punches last night when the comedy show took aim at former president Donald Trump and the $60 bibles he has been selling mere hours before the Easter holiday.
During the program’s cold open, “SNL” gave a brief nod to the biblical story of how Jesus Christ was killed and then rose from the dead three days later.
After a brief conversation between three women named Mary (portrayed by Chloe Fineman, Heidi Gardner and Sarah Squirm) the stone door to Jesus’ tomb rolls aside.
“What is that noise that comes from within,” asks Fineman, while Squirm points out that the stone blocking the tomb had moved aside.
“Is it Jesus,” Gardner asks as James Austin Johnson — dressed like the 45th president — walks in and states “Basically yes.”
“Happy Easter everybody,” says Johnson, 34, as Trump. “As it was stated in the bible ‘Guess who’s back back back again shady’s back.”
“Alright girls, you can go. No more lines” continues Johnson. “You did great. Bye-bye. That’s right. ”
Johnson then jokes that it’s “the time of year when I compare myself to Jesus Christ. That’s just the thing I do now, and people seem to be okay with that … I’m gonna keep doing it.”
“And if you think that this a bad look, imagine how weird it would be if I started selling Bibles. Well, I’m selling Bibles,” he adds holding up a brown bible with the American flag and “God Bless USA” etched on it.
“Look at the bible. Made from 100% bible,” Johnson as Trump continues. “Sounds like a joke and in many ways it is but it is also very real.”
“As you know, I love the Bible. It’s my favorite book, definitely read it,” the actor monologues. “But my favorite part is probably the ending, how it all wraps up. But this is a very special Bible, and it can be yours for the high price of $60.”
Johnson adds that he is “not doing it for the money” but for “the glory of God and for pandering and mostly for money.”
“But it’s so sad, religion and Christianity are totally gone from this country, and we need them back,” the sketch continues with Johnson claiming that there are “some beautiful illustrations” — all of which are Johnson’s face photoshopped onto various biblical images.
Johnson also jests that his bible contains the Constitution and Pledge of Allegiance, and I don’t know…maybe Miranda rights? Which means, unfortunately we had to make some cuts,” adding that the stories of Amos and Habakkuk had been left out.
“And if you order now, we’ll also throw in a free Trump miracle toaster,” concludes Johnson.”You know, sometimes weirdos see a picture of Jesus or something in their toast, well about what the miracle of Trump?”
The real-life Trump, 77, announced Tuesday via his Truth Social that he would be selling his own version of the holy text for $59.99.
“Happy Holy Week! Let’s Make America Pray Again. As we lead into Good Friday and Easter, I encourage you to get a copy of the God Bless The USA Bible,” Trump had posted.
Bibles usually go for less than $10 on Amazon.
In addition to the several biblical stories, Trump’s leather-bound volume also contains a copy of the US Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, the Pledge of Allegiance and a handwritten chorus to “God Bless The USA” by Lee Greenwood.
