If you spend time around Twitter you’ll inevitably run into an account calling itself ‘Three Year Letterman’. Three Year Letterman (known to most simply as ‘Coach’) is a self-described ‘youth football coaching legend’ who drives a fully tricked out ‘fully loaded 2011 (Ford) Taurus’ that is provided by his company and who has a reserved corner booth at Beef O’Brady’s ready for him anytime he should want to drop by… among many other amazing personal anecdotes. One of Coach’s main Twitter bits is to wander into the replies of well know Twitter users and make absurd claims about whatever is being talked about hoping that the target will try to smugly push back, at which point all hell will break loose for whoever had the audacity to question THE Coach. He’s actually briefly taken the mask of his persona off before to describe his process in the past, which is helpful because it’s a process that often provides some really entertaining results.
The easiest people to get riled up are, of course, the most sanctimonious people and nobody is as self-satisfied and sanctimonious as David Hogg, so it was inevitable that Hogg would find himself in Coaches Hot-Seat eventually… and so he has.
Article III Section 1 of the Constitution would like to have a word. I recommend actually reading the Constitution you claim to know so throughly. https://t.co/l4xQkfq55E pic.twitter.com/eraHEFbZ42
— David Hogg 🟧 (@davidhogg111) April 17, 2024
Still not understanding the land-mine he’d walked on, Hogg went on to threaten to go to law school so he could more effectively ‘school you idiots on con-law’…
Keep it up and I’ll be forced to go to law school just so I can school you idiots even harder on Con Law
— David Hogg 🟧 (@davidhogg111) April 17, 2024
Which… given David Hogg’s apparently having managed to graduate from Harvard without receiving much in the way of an actual education isn’t much of a threat, since it seems likely he’d neglect to absord anything in law school just as much as he seems to have in undergrad.
And once David engaged the floodgates opened up.
Dennis, l am a licensed notary public. Lawyers argue about the law, but I literally make it. And I have near 200 thread count Declaration of Independence sheets on my waterbed, so I know all about Article III
Delete your tweet and apologize
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) April 17, 2024
Recommended
Do you even letter?
— 🫃🏼💉🇺🇦Hollaria Briden, Esq. (@HollyBriden) April 17, 2024
Listen Devin, You think I’m going to listen to a pornstar or a man with a complete 1st edition of Encyclopedia Titanicas?
— Responce DeLeon (@BerryhillRl) April 17, 2024
The choice seems obvious, right?
David, I’m the expert in the room, leave the to me. Also, Con Law was a movie with Nicholas Cage. I recommend deleting this tweet and saving yourself the embarrassment.
— Burt Macklin (@BurtMaclin_FBI) April 17, 2024
At least keep your options open since that pillow company thing didn’t work out.
— Kimberly Ross (@SouthernKeeks) April 17, 2024
Imagine thinking you were gonna win against the coach.
— pragmatometer (@pragmatometer) April 17, 2024
Many have tried but to our knowledge none ever have.
Law degree? What is that good for IRL? Did you letter in any sports in high school, much less all 3 years (the 4th he was cheated out of, and everybody knows it)?!
— Daniel Beaton (Arby’s Confidential Informant) (@hideonbushsilly) April 17, 2024
That’s an odd way of saying you’ve never once panned for gold in Dahlonega.
— Richard Shafter (@iranuindeed) April 17, 2024
Just say you finance your waterbed.
— Matt (@BullMoose75) April 17, 2024
This, of course, a reference to Coach having purchased his waterbed with cash since he’s well off enough to not have needed financing for such a big purchase.
Talking trash to a parody account. https://t.co/37dMKx7Nn0
— Josh (@JoshSaunde) April 17, 2024
👀
When Hoggy has a run at ThreeYearLetterman… https://t.co/QIFogMSC1J pic.twitter.com/GBDzNaktSW
— Quite_Problematic (@QuiteProblmatic) April 17, 2024
Big accounts falling for Three Year Letterman is a great niche microgenre https://t.co/pksRdK5iGj
— Thorne 🌸 (@ExistentialEnso) April 17, 2024
It’s really one of the best and more absurd things that happens on Twitter.
The usefulness of accounts like Three Year Letterman is that there are a lot of people out there who take themselves and ‘what they do’ way too seriously. It’s important to take satisfaction in your work, of course, especially if what you’re doing is something that you feel is important to the world. But it’s also important not to take yourself too seriously, to take yourself so seriously that you feel the need to ‘show up’ anyone who questions you, no matter how absurdly they frame the question. Like we said, David Hogg was always going to be a ripe target for this kind of thing because Hogg is besotted with self-love to an incredibly high degree… and when you’re that full of yourself you’re really just asking for it.
