As New York City authorities let crime run rampant, we can rest assured that they are keeping us free of the scourge of … Gunblades. That’s right, you no longer have to be afraid of being attacked by a person bearing a gun that is also a sword. This is from the official NYPD News feed on The Social Media Site Formerly Known As Twitter (‘TSMSFKA Twitter’):
Recently, your @nypd90pct patrol cops responded to a call of a man with a gun in Brooklyn.
Thanks to their swift response & help from the community, an individual (currently on probation) possessing this weapon & fake FBI shield was safely apprehended & taken to jail. pic.twitter.com/QbacGpN5bx
— NYPD NEWS (@NYPDnews) March 2, 2024
Of course, the nerdier observers (like this author) immediately thought of Final Fantasy VIII’s iconically silly Gunblade wielded by Squall Leonhart. Here’s a post that shows the weapon with our protagonist:
Square-Enix explains why now’s the time for Final Fantasy VIII Remastered, and looks back on the Gunblade prop they used for motion capture https://t.co/wwi5HrX6P0 pic.twitter.com/B8cgNxqjA6
— GoNintendoTweet (@GoNintendoTweet) July 14, 2019
That’s right, it’s a giant revolver with a giant blade as part of the barrel. No, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but if you’ve ever played a few Final Fantasy games, you are used to this kind of impracticality in their weaponry.
Was his name Squall? pic.twitter.com/oWa1kPHcVg
— Dan Stilwell (@realdanstilwell) March 2, 2024
The ringleader remains at large pic.twitter.com/oPDDY934jC
— Author John A. Douglas (@BlkCrownAuthor) March 2, 2024
That would be Sephiroth, the main villain of Final Fantasy VII, not VIII. Indeed, are we sure this whole story isn’t all just an elaborate hoax to either promote the recently-released game Final Fantasy VII Rebirth or to build a groundswell for a Final Fantasy VIII remake?
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Did he remember to press r1 as the strike lands with the gunblade to do extra damage? pic.twitter.com/IrcpeIdsV4
— Reno McDallas (@RenoMcDallas) March 2, 2024
squall, noooo!
— David L. Bowman (@davidlbowman) March 2, 2024
Video footage of the perp? pic.twitter.com/s48rjwnKaP
— Will McEllen (@willmcellen) March 2, 2024
Pretty sure that’s a gunblade from the videogame Final Fantasy VIII pic.twitter.com/Q3b3RZ2uJk
— matt (@matt_from_az) March 2, 2024
Right?
Delete this tweet while there’s still time. How embarrassing 😂
— Columbo 🔍 (@Columbo_X) March 2, 2024
Indeed, some people Googled around and found where you can buy it on Amazon:
Good thing you are arresting people for having toy guns while you let illegal aliens who assault police go free. pic.twitter.com/ykzrknpMgT
— Brick Suit (@Brick_Suit) March 2, 2024
Took me 5 minutes to find this on Amazon by using the photo you provided. pic.twitter.com/GtcQ2mTKLU
— RinAldrin (@RinAldrin_Lives) March 3, 2024
And allegedly on a similar site:
it doesnt even look real pic.twitter.com/OLaCnexe3Z
— FiNaL ReVeLaTiOn (@RevelationFinal) March 2, 2024
We don’t know about that second site, but we found the Amazon listing and it verifies what you might have suspected: The gun part is fake. But a reasonable person might ask: What about the sword part? Like … could it cut you?
Well, we would have to actually lay hands on it to be sure, but several amazon reviews says that the blade is genuinely sharp, suggesting the people be careful with it. Yet, as we were writing this, TSMSFKA Twitter’s resident Final Fantasy fangirl (and Senior Editor for the Daily Wire) Ashe Short provides this report:
I actually own this same weapon. Gun doesn’t work. It’s a decent large knife but not very sharp. Can buy it at the renaissance fair
— Ashe Short (@AsheSchow) March 3, 2024
We respect her enough as a journalist to trust her claims.
This has to be a parody account…lol https://t.co/VMJt6zQAVv pic.twitter.com/XgEgKr2qmA
— Firearms Policy Coalition (@gunpolicy) March 3, 2024
The ratio on this tweet. 🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/9UjjAhLm9B pic.twitter.com/2OfZG6ghqb
— 🏴☠️🦝ᴛʀᴏʟʟ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴ ᴛʀɪꜱʜ ™🦝🏴☠️ (@Starlakitty) March 3, 2024
This antique revolver is off the streets guys. You’re much safer. 🙄 https://t.co/1j8DyAdKwL
— Phil Labonte, Talent Terrorist (@philthatremains) March 2, 2024
To be fair, it is not a genuine antique, because we’re pretty sure no one actually used a dumb thing like this for real and they definitely didn’t use it long enough ago for any version of it to be an ‘antique.’
who wants to tell them https://t.co/q0YkGJTMh6
— drefanzor memes (@drefanzor) March 2, 2024
We all do.
This item—apparently fairly sharp as a sword but not a firearm—is available on Amazon for $44.99 https://t.co/8OWCmBh8q2 https://t.co/LxPYzi6HVx
— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) March 3, 2024
Free my boy squall he did nothing wrong https://t.co/EN7ioDNfni pic.twitter.com/4VPZKCUgqf
— Reiko✝️ (@Hondachan69) March 2, 2024
It’s always nice to see the NYPD is using its $5.4 billion budget to focus on important things, like arresting Final Fantasy cosplayers https://t.co/Gamvwo0mgX
— Robert Skvarla (@RobertSkvarla) March 3, 2024
Thank God the cops stopped him before he could try to collect the $$60 billion bounty on Vash the Stampede. https://t.co/P5A4F5aGjI
— Trekkie Bill (@trekkiebill) March 3, 2024
Yeah, we are not nerdy enough to know who Vash the Stampede is.
The man was just farming draw points for his GF. Cut him a break. https://t.co/8lYLQYv5oC pic.twitter.com/AVDrU5u6Ro
— Maverick (@MaverickLIVE_) March 2, 2024
But we are nerdy enough to know that this gif has Tifa from Final Fantasy VII and Yuna from Final Fantasy X in the background—maybe from a crossover like Dissidia Final Fantasy NT? *Pushes up glasses*
New York lying so they can act like they’re doing something instead of catching actual criminals
The cylinder *literally* cannot hold bullets https://t.co/M9QPatoaxE pic.twitter.com/Ivdbu2sTgN
— Progress(ive)ing to Insanity (@BrokeHrtLiberal) March 2, 2024
Which final fantasy is this https://t.co/LGV1lJfr2c
— Rob Romano (@2Aupdates) March 2, 2024
You don’t know? Okay, we are taking away your nerd card, Rob.
It’s a bigger crime that Everybody Loves Raymond is on TVLand. https://t.co/MxYygqAuYb
— Freedom and Liberty for All🏴 (@trueLiberalist) March 3, 2024
We feel like we are getting off topic …
Where do you put the bullets, you ignorant pigs? https://t.co/5zInKvIfSF pic.twitter.com/dNcwciCUjf
— 🌻 Saisons 🍉 @[email protected] (@AMan4AllSaisons) March 3, 2024
The Anti-FF8 bias displayed by the NYPD is disgusting and should be defunded immediately. https://t.co/xXD5A8NnKe
— Trent the Koalamydia King (@KoalamydiaKing) March 3, 2024
I know a guy in Queens with a Super Soaker if you wanna raid his apt…
— Patrick (@patrickwnTX) March 2, 2024
Don’t give them ideas.
Hahaha! Y’all even zip tied like it’s a real firearm. HAHAHAHA!
— Ophis Ouroboros (@OphisOuroboros) March 2, 2024
Thanks so much officers. That appears to be one of those multi purpose killing machines which can fire 800 rounds a minute, all while slicing a head clean off with one swipe
— BrunoNation (@TonyBrunoNation) March 3, 2024
Justice Jackson can confirm.
Checks out. Standard issue FBI sidearm.
— Mark Noble //.// (@marknoble) March 3, 2024
Badge totally looks real, too. *laughs*
I’ve heard of satire accounts but this is a satire police department. NY is so screwed.
— TeslaTimeWarp (@TeslaTimeWarp) March 3, 2024
Thank you for making our streets safer. My great great grandfather died to a gun just like this in a duel outside a Saloon.
— Edgar Friendly (@RealEdFriendly) March 3, 2024
Is that a blunderbuss?
— 🤡🌎 (@BeatrixG99) March 3, 2024
Well, it is a blunder …
Arresting steampunk cosplayers for having toy guns is the best way to clean up all the crime on the streets!
— Aldous Huxley’s Ghost™ (@AF632) March 3, 2024
“but your honor look how cool it is. and the custom cover??? you simply can’t be mad about this.” -me as this individual’s lawyer https://t.co/oVcCgpmuWF
— Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. (@clapifyoulikeme) March 2, 2024
A solid legal argument if there ever was one. (No, not really.)
Finally:
It’s going to be embarrassing when they have to give it back.
— Brandon Brown (@BrownBrandon503) March 2, 2024
We legitimately wonder if they will end up having to give it back. But it is certainly a silly confiscation and a terrible use of their resources—even if the dude is on probation. Unless this guy was actively threatening people with it, or something like that, they should have just let it go. And they certainly shouldn’t be bragging about the confiscation.
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