DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for seven. We’ve had our fair share of problems. Between the two of us, we have four girls. He has two from a previous marriage, I have one from a previous relationship, and we share one together.
His eldest daughter is the problem. The youngest two live with us; the other two are adults who live outside the home. The eldest is very into herself and always has been. She loves to hear herself talk, and it is always about herself. She’s not as bad as she was when she was younger, but it still bothers me. My husband doesn’t seem to mind, but I find it annoying.
She has a son, so I don’t think she should be talking only about herself. My reaction toward her has caused problems between my husband and me. My question is, how do I deal with a 30-year-old who is like this? — HUMBLE LADY IN TEXAS
DEAR LADY: You may consider yourself to be “humble,” but the impression you have left me with is that you have a tendency to be controlling and judgmental. That you feel you have the right to script another adult is presumptuous.
While you may consider your husband’s oldest daughter to be a crashing bore, it doesn’t give you the right to act on your annoyance. You don’t have to love her. You don’t have to see her often. Sometimes, you can arrange to be elsewhere. But when you do see her, be cordial and try to steer the conversation toward the topic of her son and his activities.
DEAR ABBY: I’m new to the LGBTQ+ community and finding it tough. I’m torn between living a happy life or being around my family, who don’t 100% accept me as bisexual/asexual and involved with a transgender female. My new partner and I are happy together, but my family doesn’t approve that I’m finally feeling happy and accepted by someone who values me for me.
My partner and I want to eventually move to another state where we can live a happier life together, if and when the time comes. I want to live free from stress and drama. I battle daily with bad triggers in my personal life with no escape. How can I be happy and have my family support me, even if it doesn’t make them happy? — BI MILLENNIAL IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR BI MILLENNIAL: You have a right to a stress-free life. Because your given family isn’t accepting, you may have to build a chosen family for yourself. If you live in a community with a LGBTQ community center — or one nearby — start by contacting it. If you don’t, go online and find a LGBTQ+ support group to help you through this.
Another source of support for yourself and your partner would be PFLAG, (pflag.org). It also helps bridge the gap in families struggling to communicate and understand gay, bi and transgender family members. With education comes understanding. If, however, this isn’t possible, the healthiest thing for you to do would be to move to a place where you can feel accepted for who you are.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
