DEAR ABBY: My elementary school teacher passed away recently. I hadn’t seen her in more than 20 years because of how she made me feel. I remember her as manipulative and having a negative attitude toward the less fortunate. Because I didn’t come from a rich or prominent family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember her as money-driven, judgmental and favoring the privileged, who she believed to be smarter.
Because I had dyslexia, I had difficulties reading and interpreting words, so she made me stand and face shame for hours. Now that she is dead, I realize I never had the chance to tell her how wrong she was, and that in middle school my negative attitude toward education changed for the better because I had excellent teachers and great classmates.
Those individuals who are eulogizing her now are the same ones she promoted and favored. I just wish I could speak my piece because many were mistreated. — SCARRED IN TEXAS
DEAR SCARRED: I think you have stated your feelings very well. This teacher may not have recognized she had a student with a learning disability and punished you when she should have realized instead that what you needed to succeed was extra help. Consider her inability to deal with it properly her learning disability, and try to forgive her. You have turned out very well despite her, and it is time to evict her from your head.
DEAR ABBY: Is there any way I can help my 55-year-old daughter, who has just embarked upon yet another no-doubt doomed relationship? She is quick to cohabit with these men, usually after less than two months. Then my daughter reinvents herself to appeal to his ideal. Each time the relationships have ended, it has come at great cost to her and negatively impacted her now-grown kids.
Through all of this, my daughter has remained employed, though four years is a long time in one position. I’m afraid the latest move will limit her employment options once the work-from-home trend has softened. Is this like dealing with a drug addict or an alcoholic who must realize on their own to seek help? This roller coaster has taken its toll on me, too. — MOM ON THE SIDELINES
DEAR MOM: You can talk until you are blue in the face — and I am assuming that you have tried more than once — to get your middle-aged daughter to realize that what she has been doing hasn’t worked for her. She is not an “addict,” but she is desperate to find a partner.
When your daughter finally realizes that she doesn’t have to twist herself into a pretzel to please a man, and that she’s fine just the way she is — a successful parent, self-supporting and worthwhile on her own — she not only may feel better about herself, but also have better luck in finding a partner.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
