It takes one to know one.
The so-called “orgasm gap” between sexual partners is a lot narrower among lesbians than heterosexual couples, according to a new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.
That doesn’t mean men are bad at sex: “These results could be interpreted to mean that sex with men is inherently worse or that men are ‘bad lovers,’ but that is not necessarily true,” study author and Rutgers University PhD candidate Grace Wetzel told PsyPost.
Previous research has revealed that a robust 95% of men reach climax during sex compared to just 65% of women. Yet, 86% of women in relationships with women reported regular orgasms when their partners were female.
Researchers found a disparity in sexual “scripts” — or “our pre-existing expectations for how a sexual encounter will typically go” — between men, women and lesbians that could help heterosexual couples begin to reconcile the orgasm gap.
“The orgasm gap as a cultural phenomenon has become a hot topic in recent years. We wanted to investigate why women who have sex with men tend to have less orgasms than women who have sex with women. This research helps us to understand why women tend to face worse sexual outcomes when having sex with men,” said Wetzel.
The study was divided into two parts.
Wetzel’s team recruited 449 women — 59.5% heterosexual and 40.5% lesbian — aged 18 and up and sexually active within the past year to ask probing questions about their sex lives.
Regardless of their sexual orientation, women valued the ability to achieve orgasm with their partners and desired similar experiences during sex. Unfortunately, that’s where man of their similarities ended.
Lesbians reported receiving more clitoral stimulation during sex — the key to unlocking the orgasm for many, if not most women. They also had higher expectations for regularly reaching climax than women who have sex with men and put in more work to get there. The findings support the idea that lesbians are more proactive about orgasming because they’ve come to expect that from their partners, whereas regularly disappointed heterosexual women were more likely to be discouraged by their lack of success.
“Women experience and expect more clitoral stimulation when they have sex with other women than when they have sex with men, which helps to explain the orgasm gap between these two groups of women,” Wetzel told PsyPost.
In another experiment, Rutgers researchers asked 481 cisgender bisexual women to imagine a romantic dinner scene leading to a sexual encounter with either a man or woman.
Those who were assigned a woman as their proverbial date were more likely to expect to receive clitoral stimulation and thus reach climax than those presented with male partners — suggesting that women’s low expectations of men contribute to their unsuccessful outcomes.
“The problem here is the dominant sexual script associated with heterosexual sex, which does not include sufficient clitoral stimulation or sufficient focus on women’s pleasure. Heterosexual couples can create their own sexual scripts that work for the people involved,” Wetzel explained. “Couples can include more clitoral stimulation in their sexual encounters to create sexual relationships that are fulfilling for all partners.”
Researchers warned that the opinions shared by study participants may be more of a reflection of what they believe should occur rather than an accurate report of their lived experience.
“While this study focuses on orgasm as an important sexual outcome and a useful marker of inequity, it is important to note that this is not the only sexual outcome that matters for couples and does not mean that orgasm is necessary for ‘good sex’,” Wetzel noted. “In pursuing a partner’s orgasm, it’s essential to never put pressure on a partner to orgasm, as this coercion can make orgasm less likely, less pleasurable, and can lead to negative relationship outcomes.”
