When I was growing up, I didn’t have to do chores.
I did simple things like keeping my room (vaguely) tidy, clearing the table after meals, and trying to remember to put my toys and schoolwork away.
If I made a sandwich, I’d mostly clear up the crumbs on the counter.
None of these were designated chores — they were just about being part of our household and respecting our home.
Sometimes my mom would ask me to bring the laundry in, or put it out.
I didn’t have a chore chart or a to-do list to tick off every day.
It was very ad hoc and laid back — it felt more like doing my mom a favor than a chore.
My older brothers and I were given pocket money every week (not tied to ‘doing’ anything in particular).
If I wanted to earn more, I could volunteer to do jobs like cut the grass or clean the bathroom, but it was never expected.
Growing up, I appreciated my parents for giving me plenty of time to be a kid.
I also feel the freedom they gave me around chores instilled a sense of responsibility in me, and I would often ask them what I could do to help because it wasn’t forced on me.
Fast-forward to my life now with my three kids.
Things look different.
We’re in a different generation.
Life is so much busier with far more distractions.
“She took on so much burden”
My three kids are 14, 14 and 11, and I expect them to help around the house.
We DO have a chore chart on the fridge.
The chart gives our kids structure and ownership over specific tasks and they rotate through jobs every day so nobody has to do the dreaded dishwasher emptying all the time.
Their tasks don’t take long — having three kids gives us a mini team to divide and conquer — but they’re all valuable tasks that take the pressure off my husband and me on busy school nights.
If I sat back and waited for my kids to think about putting their school books away, folding the laundry, or taking the bin out, it wouldn’t happen because they’d be deep in a Roblox battle, rushing out of the door on their bike to hunt for Pokémon, or begging for a lift to their mate’s house to play guitar again.
They have so many distractions vying for their attention that are way more fun than volunteering to help around the house.
My spare time is limited.
Between work, school runs, walking the dog, cooking, managing the kids’ social schedules, and being their taxi service, our lives are a lot busier than my family life growing up.
We have a lot to pack into our time, and the only way we can get through it without me feeling frazzled is for us all to pull our own weight.
My mom used to take so much burden on her shoulders, and it makes me sad knowing that she could have got us to do more.
We didn’t have YouTube, Netflix or online gaming as a distraction either — half the time, I’d have been happy to have been given a job so that I had something to do!
The pressure to maintain a clean house and be a good ‘housewife’
Now I realize how exhausted my mom must have felt running the house, raising three kids and working part-time.
My dad worked long hours and did very little in terms of housework and cooking, so it was mostly on her.
She may not have had the mental load that comes with an endless inbox or multiple school events involving fancy dress, but there was so much pressure to maintain a clean and tidy house and be a good ‘housewife’.
My mom always put everyone else first.
She was always the last person to sit down at night and the first person to get up in the morning.
When I became a mom, I knew that I couldn’t (and didn’t want) to do it all.
My parents made their choices about how to raise their kids, and now my husband and I get to make our choice about how we want to raise our own family.
I see our household as a team, and we each play an important role.
Doing everything on your own isn’t sustainable. It isn’t fun. And it’s downright hard.
In my house, we all do our bit and share the load.
And we have a pretty, color-coded chore chart on our fridge to prove it.
