Let’s check in and see how 2024 is going, shall we? At home in the U.S., the economy still sucks, people still need multiple jobs to make ends meet, and we just entered a presidential election year that is going to make Thunderdome look like a nice game of chess.
Overseas, Russians and Ukrainians are still killing each other over land that many people would never want to live in, Israel is still fighting for its survival against brutal terrorists who want to wipe them off the earth (not to mention antisemites around the world who seem to want to do the same), oh and Iran and Pakistan may have just started another shooting war … and Pakistan has nukes.
Fun times.
But what if we told you that was all a distraction from what is REALLY coming our way?
In a small bit of news that has ‘flown’ under the radar for the most part, we may actually be headed for the long-awaited zombie apocalypse. Woo-hoo!
JUST IN: ⚠️ US-bound ANA plane returns to Tokyo after ‘heavily drunk’ passenger bites crew member. -SCMP
An All Nippon Airways flight en route to the United States was forced to return to Tokyo when an inebriated passenger bit a flight attendant, as reported by the airline on… pic.twitter.com/YWz1E5aaOS
— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) January 17, 2024
The passenger BIT the flight attendant? Oh, boy. This is how it starts.
They’re already trying to hide the truth. Oh, sure. He was ‘heavily drunk.’ Nice excuse, corporate media. We’ve heard that one before. We’re not stupid. This is zombies and we all know it. (Zombies often walk like drunk people, as anyone who has ever seen Shaun of the Dead well knows.)
Do you want World War Z? Because this is how you get World War Z.
We weren’t the only ones on X who noticed.
#WorldWarZ https://t.co/9EvOhKh7pV
— Joe Stink (@Alien8ed6) January 17, 2024
Recommended
I’ve seen how this plays out before
The flight attendant is going to be showing symptoms and we all want her to be okay, but she’s going to hunger for human flesh soon
— The Judgmental Dog (@the_addressor) January 17, 2024
It’s probably already too late. All the law enforcement officials who arrested the man are likely already infected as well.
But hey … at least Patient Zero was an American. Probably from Florida.
And so it begins https://t.co/jPmD9TTcNV pic.twitter.com/iHdMFaSVDN
— Morgan Rhinegelt (@rhinegelt) January 18, 2024
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!!! Train to Busan was a training video!!!
— Badd Mojjo (@BaddMojjo) January 18, 2024
We enjoyed watching Train to Busan. It’s a great movie. That doesn’t mean we want to live it.
Let’s see how we’re doing in 28 days.
— Thomas Brown 😉 (@MajeurTom) January 18, 2024
Dammit, Cillian Murphy is going to be the only one who survives, isn’t he?
So… I’ll not be flying in All Zombie Airways any time soon
— Kang Of Seattle 🙄 (@KangofSeattle) January 18, 2024
Given the DEI priorities of the American FAA, you may not have a choice for much longer.
Turns out it should have been titled World War Gen Z.
— T.C. (@CaveMarine) January 18, 2024
Smartphones have half-zombified Gen Z already anyway. All they’re going to need is a gentle push to become full brain eaters.
Of course, some people did have some alternative theories about what might have happened on the plane. (Those people are wrong. It’s zombies. But we’ll share their theories anyway.)
Was the passenger infected w #DiseaseX ? https://t.co/8MaALvzXKU
— Le Fleur (@tbflowers) January 18, 2024
Son of a … Fauci’s gone and done it again. Man, we hate that guy.
But we will admit, there is one X account who had an alternative theory we found intriguing. …
In other news, Hunter Biden is still missing, last seen on ANA plane near Tokyo. 🤣 pic.twitter.com/LHfds2c6Ln
— whowhatwherewolf (@whowatwherewolf) January 17, 2024
HA. The Secret Service has already announced that the name of the bitey passenger is an unsolvable mystery. Case closed.
But as tempting as that theory is, we’re still pretty sure it’s zombies. AMC has already announced a new spinoff of their never-ending zombie television series: ‘The Flying Dead.’
And after all, it IS 2024. We’re sure someone is cooking up a new nightmare of horrors for the world. Why not undead zed heads?
Enjoy the coming year, Twitchy readers.
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