DEAR ABBY: I had a five-year relationship with a man. We broke up because he was unfaithful.
Even though I’m willing to forgive and still have feelings for him, my kids don’t like this man and don’t want me to reconnect with him.
My children say that if I do, they no longer want to have a relationship with me.
Their ultimatum doesn’t seem fair. I’m afraid I won’t fall in love again, and I don’t want to be alone later in life.
Should I respect my kids’ wishes and forgo a relationship with him, or should I seek outside guidance and counseling to see if we can try to be a family, like we had planned originally?
I really feel he’s the love of my life. No one’s perfect. I’m willing to give it another chance, but I want my kids to accept him.
I don’t know how or if they ever will. What should I do? — LEANING TOWARD IT IN TEXAS
DEAR LEANING: Fear is the absolute worst reason for a couple to reunite. Your relationship didn’t work out because he is a cheater.
What makes you think this time would be different? There are worse things than being older and alone. There is no guarantee you wouldn’t meet someone and fall in love.
Your children dislike this man for a reason. You ask if you should seek outside guidance and counseling. Speaking as the first person you have asked, I’m all in favor of it. Your doctor can refer you to someone qualified.
DEAR ABBY: I have warm memories of Christmas from when I was a child. I didn’t start disliking it until I was married to my second husband.
My parents grew old, and we celebrated their last Christmas together. They passed several years ago.
After that, I really disliked the season and all the crap that went with it. I have tried to like it over the last few years, and did all the holiday stuff.
I sent out cards, baked cookies, decorated, bought presents — even went to church.
Last Christmas Eve, I just “snapped.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I took down most of the decorations because I could no longer look at them.
I’m not well, and my boyfriend has been sick off and on. He likes Christmas, so I will put some stuff back up for him, not for myself.
Why do I dislike Christmas so much? It’s such a pain in the butt. Maybe you can help me understand my feelings. — SCROOGE IN INDIANA
DEAR SCROOGE: Your change in attitude may have been caused by two things. The first would be that, in your mind, Christmas is linked to the loss of your parents and to a chapter of your life that is now closed.
The other might have been caused by the incessant hype and merchandising surrounding Christmas that starts right after Halloween.
It may be time to scale back and ask your boyfriend to help by celebrating the meaning of Christmas, instead of the trappings. Helping someone — or a family — less fortunate comes to mind.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
