Shortly after Madame Web was added to Netflix on Tuesday, one of the rising Google trends was “Why is Madame Web so bad?”
I can only assume this is because, Netflix subscribers, like me, are slowly coming to the correct realization that Madame Web—the much-mocked superhero film starring Dakota Johnson that flopped in the box office—is not so bad. It is, in fact, quite fun. All those haters just didn’t see the vision. But me and Dakota have that Madame Web foresight, and we can see this movie as the silly, campy romp it’s clearly meant to be.
To be clear, I’m not trying to argue that Madame Web is a good movie. Obviously, it’s not a good movie! But it’s also not nearly as bad as the critics and internet memes—many of which were already calling Madame Web the worst film of the year—made it out to be. You see, there are good movies. There are bad movies. And then there are fun movies. And Madame Web, while not good, is most definitely fun.
Directed by S.J. Clarkson in her feature film debut, Madame Web stars Johnson as the little-known Marvel character Cassie Webb. We meet Cassie as a 30-year-old paramedic whose near-death experience on the job triggers a latent superpower: the ability to see the future minutes before it happens. This power drives Cassie to save three teenage girls—Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor)—from being murdered by a deranged guy with Spider-Man-esque powers. As it turns out, this guy can see the future too, and in his visions, he’s murdered by these teen girls. But not if he kills them first!
The movie is at its best when Johnson acts as the reluctant babysitter to these three teenage Charlie’s-Angels-in-training. Johnson’s dry, deadpan delivery works perfectly with her character’s socially awkward misanthropy, as well as the movie’s playful tone. I mean, the exaggerated enunciation when she says “Las Arañas”—which literally just means “the spiders” in Spanish, but in the context of the film refers to a secret society of spider-people—is in the running for best line delivery of the year. Plus, the movie inexplicably takes place in 2003, which means every so often we get a cheeky little reference to Cassie watching American Idol, or a poster for Beyoncé’s Dangerously In Love album in the background. Does it make sense for the narrative? Not really! Was I having the time of my life jamming out to Britney Spears’s hit single, “Toxic”? You bet!
I have to be honest: I had infinitely more fun watching Dakota Johnson responding, “I don’t know, man” to a guy who asks if he’s on the correct train than I have at any of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies or TV shows from Disney in the last five years. I don’t care about the multiverse. I don’t care about the lore. I don’t care what “Phase” of Marvel we’re in now. (Four? Eight? I literally could not tell you.)
Madame Web doesn’t just take place in 2003, it recreates the feeling of watching a superhero movie in 2003. It doesn’t expect, or even reward, any prior knowledge of comic books from audiences. More importantly, it doesn’t take itself too seriously. These are people with made-up powers running around in tights. No one should be trying to get an Oscar nomination. It’s not that deep! I mean, even the new Deadpool movie looks like it’s going for a more serious tone. Deadpool! The guy makes pegging jokes!
Scoff at my taste in cinema if you must, but I simply can’t hate a movie that makes superheros silly again. Las arañas know what I’m talking about.
