It’s an X-rated question many of us have pondered at some point when wandering around a museum: why do men in Greek statues all have a small penis?
While the anatomy of Greek gods depicted in marble and bronze have never been modest, in recent years, many have wondered why their manhoods don’t match up to grandeur of their chiselled abs and bulging biceps.
Countless historians have also been struck by the modest nature of the phalluses that feature in the iconic statues, including Michelangelo’s David and the Artemision Bronze, thought to represent the god of the sky, Zeus.
So why do the men honoured in Greek sculptures all have minute manhoods?
As it turns out, it’s not an unfortunate coincidence.
Historian Paul Chrystal conducted research into the ancient titbit, sharing his findings in his 2016 book In Bed with the Ancient Greeks.
“The small penis was consonant with Greek ideals of male beauty,” he said.
“It was a badge of the highest culture and a paragon of civilisation.”
While in contrast, depraved and undesirable figures in ancient mythology were “rendered with very large, erect genitals, sometimes almost as tall as their torsos.”
Heritage Images via Getty Images
“Big penises were vulgar and outside the cultural norm, something sported by the barbarians of the world,” Chrystal explained.
This jaw-dropping fact about male beauty standards back in 400BC was recently shared by TikTok user Ruby Reign – and the video explaining the research quickly went viral.
“What I wasn’t aware of was that the Greeks often presented their enemies, the Egyptians, the satyr creatures, and even fools in comedies as having large appendages – so it was quite a negative thing to have,” she shared.
“Having a smaller package was considered a sign of virtue, of civility, or self control or discipline.
“Meanwhile, having a bigger one was a sign of lustfulness, of gluttonous appetites and barbarism, which is quite interesting because it’s different to today.”
Social media users were left quite surprised by the interesting revelation, with some sharing hilarious responses to the unexpected discovery.
“We definitely gotta return to our roots,” one joked.
“I was really born in the wrong generation,” another laughed.
As one said: “Remember lads we were on top, now the Barbarians have taken over.”
One guy also remarked the fact would come in handy, revealing it was something he’ll share with “almost every woman” he could.
