DEAR ABBY: My niece, “Elle,” and her husband, “Liam,” have been self-employed for 20 years, but due to the economy, Liam decided to go into the workforce. He is now employed at a state job with great pay and benefits for them and their four children.
Our family is elated for him and his family, except Elle. It’s unbelievable how determined she is to get her husband fired. She can’t stand for Liam to be away from her. She fights daily with him, telling him he has “chosen a job over his family.” They were always a nice family unit, but now Elle is destroying it because of the insecure, overbearing control she needs to have. It’s heartbreaking to see, especially since their teenage kids are looking for other places to sleep due to the constant arguments.
I wish I could make Elle understand that this job means they will no longer be struggling financially, but she doesn’t care. She wants to be near Liam at all times. The situation is awful. I can’t believe they may end up in divorce court because her husband got a great state job. Your thoughts on this, please? — HELPLESS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR HELPLESS: I think your niece’s insecurity and insistence on having her husband on a short leash at all times is unhealthy, to say the least. She needs professional help, and Liam should insist upon it. If she refuses, he will then have to decide whether the current status of their marriage is something he wants to tolerate for the foreseeable future and plan his next steps accordingly.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I retired six years ago and moved from California to Texas. I have two grown sons, and my husband has two grown daughters still living in Cali. My husband’s oldest daughter (50) just came to visit along with her 10-year-old daughter.
On the Sunday they were to leave, my husband was to take them to the airport in the morning and leave me home to read my Sunday paper. Before they left, his daughter wanted a picture of all of us together. I told her I didn’t want a picture taken in my nightgown, but she said it would be only from the neck up. I acquiesced, and she took the shot.
Two days later, former clients of mine from California posted on Facebook how glad they were to see me look so happy in retirement. My husband showed me the Facebook posting of me from the waist up in my nightgown on his daughter’s page!
I don’t go on Facebook, I don’t want my likeness on Facebook, and I’m not happy that after expressing my feelings about having my picture taken in my nightgown, his daughter put me on Facebook.
Isn’t it common decency to ask someone before arbitrarily posting their picture on Facebook? — NOT HAPPY IN TEXAS
DEAR NOT HAPPY: I am going to assume that your husband’s daughter didn’t post the family picture on her page to inflame you. She may have forgotten her promise to you. Because this isn’t the impression of your happy retirement you want to convey, ask her to take it down and hope she complies. If she doesn’t, do not pose for any more family pictures when she’s behind the camera.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
